Alyssa’s Story: Finding Peace in the In Between

In February 2021 my journey to becoming a mom began. We found out we had our first miscarriage. 

Opening up to Katie and Michele about my loss helped me so much to understand that my journey was not unique (unfortunately) and that I had others close to me that could understand. Motherhood didn’t come easily to either of them, either. 

Fast forward to September 2021, I found out I was pregnant again and so happy – surely a second loss wouldn’t happen. But it did. I remember falling into a depression here and searching for things I could control in my fertility, as well as fiercely advocating for myself. 

Life also took us on a few other struggles after this loss over the next year, but we were pregnant again in July of 2022. Three consecutive miscarriages only happen to 1% of couples – so I felt some hope in that. Until we had lost that pregnancy. I fell to my lowest point here, but I found some amazing resources in addition to the connections I sought out during my fertility journey. I didn’t feel alone and the experience of others helped me to even better advocate for myself for more testing and additional support. 

I did a lot of overall healing in my body during my journey, but yoga, meditation and reiki and acupuncture were what really helped me to truly surrender and trust along my journey – so I could at least feel some joy and hope along the way in the pits of sorrow that I was in. 

Stress can take a greater toll on our body and our hormones than we think, and I wasn’t about to let that also hurt my belief that I would one day be a mom. 

All of my testing for recurrent loss and any hormonal imbalance or vitamin deficiencies came back as “normal”. I was recommended ivf several times from my first doctor but I knew this wasn’t the route for us. You see, what those not dealing with infertility don’t understand is that Ivf doesn’t guarantee you a healthy pregnancy, especially if you have had recurrent losses. You may still lose a healthy embryo if there’s something else not working correctly. 

I went on to have one more miscarriage in summer of 2023, but after this loss I felt a shift in my energy.

I suddenly believed as much as this sucked and I hated struggling, I could handle this. If I needed to keep trying and keep losing, I would because I knew I was meant to be a mom – and if that was via adoption, I had finally surrendered to that, too. 

I wound up connecting with a new doctor before this loss as well and she reinstalled some hope in me for testing for if and when I got pregnant again – I felt fully supported at this point of my journey. 

Then, by the end of the summer in 2023, I was pregnant with my daughter. I had a great team to support me, acupuncture throughout pregnancy, and all the tools to help me to trust my body and journey and calm my anxiety during pregnancy after loss. 

We had my daughter in the spring of 2024 and I still wonder if we’ll be able to carry another healthy pregnancy, but I also know how blessed we are to have our daughter. 

I often share in my classes that the transitions in between postures are even more important than the poses themselves, because I truly believe when we can slow down and embrace that “in between”, that helps us to find presence and connect with ourselves and our feelings and ultimately heal – off the mat, this period of 3-4 years was my greatest practice off the mat. A period of transition and uncertainty in many different aspects, but ultimately, community and connection helped me the most. 

If you’re on a similar journey, I am here to support you and share the resources and tools I be found as well as empowering you along your journey.